CHAPTER V: THE WONDER YEARS or Stanford as it used to be known before...

There we were...first day of classes at ye olde University of hiah larnin' doncha know. We were oh so primed for academic exploits the likes of which were heretofore unknown to the rest of mankind but JUST FOR US they were going to roll out the good stuff; The Nobel Laureates dead or alive, and all that...ok, maybe not. BUT WE WERE TOTALLY IMMUNE to the kind of immature bullshit previously engaged in at HY SKUUL, omg yes. We were TOTALLY focused on LEARNIN' and in the midst of our reassuring ourselves that after this ridiculous English class we were waiting to start, we were in for a treat, when Frankie said...

"Is he cute or what?"
I looked at the direction Frankie was looking at.

"Yeh he is adorable," although I was trying not to notice and felt this was a move in the wrong directi...

"You think he maybe...?"

"Hell who wouldn't? You GAWJUS."
OG, Frankie is going into self-doubt which has never happened before, and URGH.

"Yeh right."

"YOU ARRRRRRE."
Ok, I will give it my best shot at bolstering his fragile ego. HAHAH. Now trust me. If there is one thing about Frankie DeLisiano that is a given is that his ego is even bigger than his package and how that is even remotely possible I have never figured out but there it is. So why now on this most important of days does he have to suddenly become mere human self-concious. Geez.

Okay, so here is the scenario.

Frankie and Charlie and I were standing just inside the classroom, an English class as I said and thinking OUT LOUD about how just OH SO HIGH SCHOOL this was, really. ENGLISH? Are they kidding? But WE ARE COLLEGE DUDES NOW and no nobody cared or gave a fuck, but we of course were OH SO CONVINCED that WE were just oh so above it all. OF COURSE, it was not long before we were disabused of that notion we were entertaining. THIS was a COLLEGE English class, and NOW evidently we were about to learn how to speak English PROPAHLEE. I see. As if there is not ONE english teacher of high school IN THE COUNTRY who has the FOGGIEST NOTION how to teach English properly, but of course nobody was going to listen to a group of FRESHMEN from Michigan. Nope...so this is what is called a tolerate and do whether it makes sense or not situation, and we ultimately did...and although I hate to admit it it turned out to be a pretty interesting class. NOT that I would have told the professor that. Ok, I did. LOL.

Anyway, here we were cogitating and ruminating and WHINING...and THEN, Frankie noticed a dude standing over to the side of the room and he was talking with some other dudes and as I watched I saw Frankie start to and then finish what I was sure was the inartful act of absolutely creaming his jeans or genes or whatever and the look on his face was priceless, while his zipper about split...and I about split a gut. 

"GOD Dylan he is CUTE. ISN'T HE? IS HE CUTE OR WHAT?"

and poor Frankie was almost beside himself. To be honest, the dude he was looking at WAS, BEYOND CUTE. I'll give him that. Oh God yes. Short like Frankie and white blond haired and VERY tanned and built like a brick shithouse without the smell, and yeh. I was cracking up and trying DESPERATELY not to be real obvious about it and I was losing it. So of course being Frankie's bestest friend and all I decided to be incredibly supportive of course. Helpful, you know.

"Well, go talk to him Goober," I said trying to be the previously mentioned helpful...and Frankie shot me a look as if to say he thought I had just killed his mother or something,

and...

"WHAT?" and I adopted a perplexed look. Always works, said me NEVER.

"I can't." which has always been the standard teen reply to just about anything.

"Why not?"

"I just...can't."

"Dude, I've seen you do some pretty out there outrageous stuff before you know, Surely you can handle something this simple."

and...... 

"Yeh, I know but this is different."

"How so?"

"Well, YOU know."

"No I don't so enlighten me."

"I just cannot. That's all. I would JUST die."

"Where you want the remains sent after they cool down?"

"FOOL."

"Yeh, one of my best features...so what else is new?

"DYLAN...." and everyone within a hundred miles could hear the exasperation in his voice.

"YES?"

I was cutting the boy NO slack cause he never cuts ME any and never has, and paybacks...

"Dylan?"

"Yes?"

"You go talk to him, see if he has noticed me or anything."

"Dude, with the package you got, shepherds in Lithuania have noticed you. Dudes on the Space Shuttle have noticed you. Several WARS have CEASED or at least paused while they stopped to notice you. I MEAN. It is THAT...obvious."

"Smart ass."

"Clinically, yes."

"PLEASE?"

"NO."

"PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE?"

"You know I hate when you beg." and of course it was time for the Dylan gets faux-annoyed bit AND...course by now Charlie was ROTFLHAO which was not helping you understand.

"DYLAN, you're my oldest friend."

"Yes, and I learned a long time ago when it comes to THIS shit,

I don't even know you."

"PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?"
My GOD he was SO pathetic.
SIGH...

Okay. Okay, but he will OWE me. Big time.

Sigh.

"OH ALL RIGHT."

Then the fucker kissed me. GOT ME IN A FUCKING BEAR HUG AND KISSED THE BREATH OUT OF ME.
Sigh.

That is SO not fair. Have I mentioned I am a complete push-over for romance?
or sex? Although I have never had sex and only read about romance, BUT...

So, of course Dylan The Kewl...went to town and sauntered across the room,

OH trust me Ah did one of my world-class sauntarears and rolled and tossed ovah to said same hottie and plunked mahself down smack-dab in front of this kid who I knew not from Adam, and just stared at him. Blank-faced stare mind you.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!
My kingdom for a camera.

He looked at me for a minute as if trying to figure out if he knew me or not, decided he wasn't sure, and so it was a stand off. Then Dylan the Destroyer went into ATTACK mode.

I looked at this little pipe bomb of a dude and said, nonchalantly of course...

"See that little sawed-off drop dead gawjus Italian stud muffin ovah there?"

I asked EVAH SO SUBTELLLY,

and he looked at the direction I was pointing while I could see Frankie watching intently and then...trying to crawl INTO the floorboards, (serves him right I thought to myself...sending this po helpless critter over to...)

the total hottie with the package you could wrap Sweden in?

"Yeh?"

"Yeh, well if you don't get your HAWT little ass into move-on mode and zoom over there and plant one on his OH SO adorable hot litle Italian face, I will haul off AND KICK your aforementioned hot little heinie all the way from here to San Francisco,

Pause...
YOU DIG?"

Evidently he did cause he hightailed it over to Frankie forthwith and BAM.

DAMN I'M GOOD.

LOL.

THAT LITTLE FUCKER OWES ME TO THIS DAY.

OH YETH HE DO,,,
and when their grandchildren are ready to croak
HE WILL STILL OWE ME,

the fucker.

YEP. LOL.

His name btw is Chip and Frankie absolutely fell and I mean fell hard for this little hottie. Like Charlie and me, this pairing seemed almost destined to be and while this isn't totally unheard of, it isn't as common as the kind of mating that takes awhile to start. But start it did and Charlie and I also liked Chip from the git-go. Needless to say, the four of us became an item around campus and around town too. Almost always together and obviously paired off, I'm pretty sure nobody was clueless about our relationships and it felt good to be accepted for who we are. VERY good.

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CONTINUE TO CHAPTER VI